What closed eyes can’t see won’t hurt us.

It’s so easy to hide from the things that are on your mind. It’s so simple to ignore the things that burden us and weigh us down. Often times I will convince myself that I just procrastinate like everybody else, but I don’t think that’s true at all. Have you ever found yourself repelled by the things you need to do? We will do anything to just avoid our responsibilities because we just simply don’t want to take responsibility. The truth is, most days I’ll sit down to write and I will do anything to ignore my current objective. I think this is mostly because I’m afraid to move into the future. If I don’t move forward with things even as simple as writing a blog entry then where do I end up? If I don’t move forward, I will stay in the same perpetual state, deterring my growth. The hardest thing to overcome for me is the person I once was. I was afraid to leave that constant state of comfort, that small everlasting sphere of influence that I latched to for support. So how do you transform into a more fluid dynamic individual when you’re so used to watching the world pass in front of you? I think to attempt this I need to change my perspective for good. Many people take the role of spectators and watch the days unfold into weeks, months and years. Perhaps the answer is to just run with the world, let yourself experience change and allow yourself to evolve with your environment. Experience life and react to it, provoke your own change.

Writing helps me to provoke change internally. What I’ve learned is that there are two important steps to change your perspective. The first is to subject yourself to new experiences. Go and do something you’ve never done, experience awkwardness, embarrassment, bliss; experience something new and unfamiliar. Subject yourself to those experiences and learn more about yourself. The next step is to give yourself time to reflect on yourself and your life internally. Write down your thoughts, communicate with yourself and learn to understand your thoughts and the direction you want to lead. Sometimes I find myself avoiding writing because there are so many thoughts and ideas in my head that I find myself repelled by the overload. I find myself overwhelmed by my own never-ending thoughts and ideas. The only way to solve this is to pick one thought and flow with it, let the other thoughts drift for a while

Often times I have so much to write about that I don’t know where to start. These blog entries are usually just random thoughts and are haphazardly written. Most of these entries are written and then deleted because they lack a purpose besides my own self-analysis. Although my writing is unorganized, it’s purpose is to be honest to myself. When I write, I think honestly and try to reveal things to myself I would otherwise shield from peering eyes. When I began writing journals I was surprised by how much I subconsciously lied to myself. We spend our lives fabricating feelings and stories for others to hear, to shield our flaws and to make ourselves look ideal. We get so comfortable with lying to others that we begin to lie to ourselves and we start to stray from the person we really are. We become the projection of how we want others to perceive us. Find truth in yourself and stick closely to that. Be honest to yourself and to others and move forward towards personal growth.


Open your mind, explore the world and subject yourself to the universe.

 

Preparation

It’s difficult to be so excited for something that is so far away at the moment. Shit, 7 months is basically an eternity ya know?

Let’s take a second and rewind before I begin. <<<

About a month ago, I was talking to a ‘friend’ whom made me realize the reason I’m not particularly excited about my future is because maybe I’m chasing the WRONG future. I took this thought with me and carried it around, letting it become more and more cumbersome until there came a point where my brain just said, “Well, fuck it man. Maybe this thought has some real substance to it.” Of course, this could have been a symptom of psychosis but being crazy is all the rage now anyway. I came to the realization that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and I had no real purpose. At first that was a really powerful thing to admit to myself; I have no purpose. This thought is probably the scariest thing I’ve encountered in my lifetime. Although the idea of living without a purpose provoked many emotions. At first I was fearful and sad of what life would be like if I never found a purpose but then I felt ambition; ambition to go find MY purpose in life.   What I did understand was that continuing my life the way it was would only lead me further from self fulfillment. I became more open to the idea that maybe I was chasing a future that I grew up believing I wanted. As a child, teachers, parents and family all tell you to get good grades, go to college, get a job, have a family and eventually die happily. What if those steps don’t result in happiness for everyone? We’re all incredibly different people so why are we all told to do the same thing?

Growing up I always earned high grades and never had a real problem with learning. My parents and family would praise me for my grades but I never really felt good about them. I felt good about my grades because they made my parents happy not because they made me happy. My mom still hounds me to call about Dean’s list certifications but to me it’s just another piece of paper honoring my ability to memorize information instead of actually learning. (Congrats!)

After analyzing these thoughts that I so naively overlooked during my past, I accepted something; I accepted that I have no fucking clue what I want to do for a living. I also have no fucking clue what will keep me happy until the end of my days. I’ve also accepted that maybe being clueless for once in my life isn’t so bad after-all.. Many of the most influential people this world has seen have had a point where they just gave up briefly on following the course of life they chose.  So why can’t I? Sure, maybe I’ll get some backlash from others but at the end of the day I make my own decisions right?

Fast forward to the present now. >>>

Now that this idea to put my life on hold and travel for a bit is deeply ingrained into my brain, I can start preparing myself. By preparing myself I don’t mean just evaluating my finances and stockpiling bug spray. What I really mean is preparing myself mentally. In order to do something so far outside my comfort zone, I’m going to need to become more of an independent free-floating adult. My whole life I have been an uptight, super organized, responsible person and that causes too much burden. It caused me to be afraid of things that were not in order and outside of my comfort zone. Everything I’ve ever attempted I’ve sized up and done internal calculations to see if I was prepared for the task, but this adventure would be much different. This adventure would be something that I couldn’t possibly prepare for in conventional ways. In fact, I never even considered traveling because It is so far away from the person I was (apparently a huge pussy). I’m incredibly afraid of this new adventure so I decided that I need to become a more open-minded person to be properly prepared.

To prepare for this I’ve forced myself to be more accepting of others. I’ve taught myself to be more “whatever” about things. I immediately cut my stress in half just by saying, “Whatever, stop stressing”. Things that need to get done, WILL get done. Things will work out whether you’re stressed about it or not so why not just… not be stressed. It really is that easy to change your mindset. Utilize your own thoughts to change the way you will continue to think, it’s one of those paradoxical mysteries we will never understand. Over the past month I’ve realized that people are incredibly similar even though we all may seem so different on the outside. We all have fears, insecurities and lies hidden deep beneath the surface.  I’ve done my best to acknowledge that there are so many of us lost in the world and that we’re not all that bad. I began to try to put myself into unfamiliar situations, to stop stressing and to just slow the hell down. We all have shit to do and we’re all rushing around like we’re gonna die. Bro, you’re going to be fine, pump the brakes and just breathe homie. With each day, I felt as if I was pulling myself out of the dark and into the sunlight.

So here I am today, still fighting to become the person that I WANT to become. I will continue to strive towards a life filled with purpose and find something that means something to me. I will strive towards something that’s worth more than a paycheck, more than the brief euphoria and the trophies on our shelves. My next adventure will be a solo backpacking trip to South America beginning in January 2015. I hope this trip will help me to experience a life other than the futile materialistic life I am so used to living here. I hope to learn more about other people and experience other people’s lives and cultures. Maybe this experience will help me to learn more about myself and to live a more purposeful life. Until then I will keep on preparing myself in any way that I can and posting my thoughts here.


Open your mind, explore the world and subject yourself to the universe.

 

 

The Beginning

This first post is to kick off the beginning of this blog. I guess for now this is just a test run to see what my thoughts look like roaming the internet. I already write things daily in my journal but this is an attempt to move my thoughts to a more public audience. I’ve found that many people share similar concepts and ideas about life with me and maybe this blog will help others to get a different perspective on life or even to find someone to relate to. Basically, this blog is going to be a mix of all types of thoughts, concepts and lessons I learn each day. Maybe my thoughts won’t seem all that interesting to anybody, but if atleast one person reads these one day and can relate to me then I will feel accomplished. This is just the beginning..


Open your mind, explore the world and subject yourself to the universe.

Simplicity

Everybody has some perception of the type of person they want to be, the type of life they want to live. Lately I’ve felt like I’m happiest when I’m living simply and organically. We tend to complicate everything in our lives because we’re afraid of failing and we’ve been taught to reject imperfection. Maybe if we were taught to embrace all aspects of life we wouldn’t fall so hard when things don’t turn out as expected. We live in a culture with high expectations, extreme desires and intense pressures. We’re all so tense and insecure of ourselves without reason. What is so wrong with failing? What is so wrong with imperfection? Without these things we could never know what it feels like to succeed. I’m trying to teach myself to live simply, to just live and love life. I’m learning to fall in love with the way pain feels, the way jealousy makes your blood boil, the way hurt takes your appetite away. Fall in love with imperfection, embrace all the uncomfortable situations in life. I admire all the imperfect people that keep their heads held high. I admire all the flawed people that still have the strength to wake up and smile. I admire all the scared people that still have the courage to ask for help. These are the beautiful people, the ones that haven’t given up and are not afraid to think differently. I can only hope that one day I’ll be able to be a happy individual and create my own path in this world. However, life’s journey starts in the mind. In order to live and love life we must learn to love ourselves and to accept others for all of the flaws and imperfections we keep locked away. Live simply, fall in love with imperfection, fall in love with yourself. Then, and only then, can we begin to grow and live happily with others.


 Open your mind, explore the world and subject yourself to the universe.